Here’s another extract from Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator
In November [2012], Larry drove me to see the consultant at Chichester Hospital. I had to provide a urine sample. On the way there I suggested buying some apple juice to fool the urine tester.
However, when we got to the hospital, I was bursting for a wee and asked the staff for a specimen pot.
Picture the scene:
I was standing at the toilet, with my trousers and boxer shorts around my ankles to avoid the consequences of an overspill. I was using my right hand (and stick) to balance, holding the little pot in my left hand. I didn’t know which to do first. A tiny wee in the pot or my main wee in the toilet. I was concerned that once I got going I wouldn’t be able to stop. For the record, I did the tiny wee first and was in perfect control at all times.
Waiting to see the consultant, I realised that Larry was holding my urine sample. As I didn’t want to hold it, I decided not to raise it. Talk about taking the piss.
The consultant saw me for about half an hour. He asked me a few questions, examined my limbs and ordered some x-rays. He suspected nerve damage in my right arm and referred me to have my nerves tested.
Ten days after this, I received a copy of the letter he sent to Alison, confirming my referral for nerve testing. In his letter, the consultant said, “Patrick’s CP might have gone downhill this late in life.” I was thirty-nine years old!
I think the consultant needs educating. Cerebral Palsy is not a progressive disability and it doesn’t shorten life expectancy. On the contrary, I become better able to do things as time goes on.
You can get your copy of Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator HERE & NOW
