Here’s another extract from Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator
After moving into my flat I wasted no time in becoming known in the on-site bar. There I met my friend Steve Bell and became friends with his wife Jill and daughter Tammy.
Unlike me, Steve is an artistic person. He used to be a secondary school art teacher and has always played a variety of musical instruments. The reason Steve and I get on so well is because we are both people persons and share the same values and sense of humour.
Neither of us will forget the time we went to a party at someone’s house. I was in the back garden when a woman, ten to fifteen years older than me, approached me and asked:
Lady: “What do you do?”
Me: “I’m a computer programmer and I work for Shh.”
Lady [looking perplexed]: “no…really, what is it that you do?”
Me: “I really am a computer programmer – and I do work for Shh.”
Lady [still unconvinced]: “no, honestly, what is it that you do?”
Me [becoming bored] “What can I say? I am a computer programmer…”
At which point Steve walks by.
Me: “Steve, help me out here. This lady doesn’t believe me that I’m a computer programmer and that I work for Shh.”
Steve [without hesitating]: “No, he works at the post office, licking stamps…”
Steve [pausing for a second] “…and on Sundays he works at the supermarket, stacking shelves. But he only stacks the middle shelves because he can’t reach the top or bottom shelves.”
Lady [smiling, as she pinched my cheek]: “Ahh, I knew it.” [then she walked away]
Obviously, I didn’t know Steve was going say what he said. It was absolutely hilarious!
On another occasion Steve and I were having a beer with our friend and neighbour Adrian.
The three of us decided to come up with what would be the most inappropriate job for me to do. After obvious suggestions, such as, waiter, surgeon and car mechanic, our favourite one was when Adrian suggested “Air traffic controller!”
You can get your copy of Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator HERE & NOW
