Cheese, handbags and swinging parties

Here’s another extract from Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator

Someone I regularly spoke to on Saturdays was Jennifer, one of the journalists at Splash who used to do the Saturday morning news shift. Being a conscientious worker, Jennifer often worked in the afternoon writing and preparing things for the following week.

One weekend the air-conditioning in the studios broke down. Phil was ok as he had a temporary fan in the main studio. However it was so hot and stuffy in the news booth that I took off my jumper and t-shirt. At football half-time I went into the office to get some fresh air.

As I opened the door and stepped into the office, Jennifer glanced up at me and from where she was sitting half obscured by a desk, she thought I was completely naked! It gave her a shock and it was a first as I’ve never had that effect on someone before!

I’ve always thought there was an air of mystery surrounding Jennifer because she never revealed much about herself. All I really know about her is that she’s got a long term boyfriend, likes cheese and is into collecting handbags.

For all I know, Jennifer could also be into swinging and Tupperware parties.

Now as you know, I’m not someone who likes being put in a box but it’s got me wondering – is a swinging and Tupperware party where people are put in a box?

I’ve emailed Jennifer the above and her response is “very good, I quite like Tupperware”.

You can get your copy of Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator HERE & NOW

A party I’ll never forget

Here’s another extract from Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator

After moving into my flat I wasted no time in becoming known in the on-site bar. There I met my friend Steve Bell and became friends with his wife Jill and daughter Tammy.

Unlike me, Steve is an artistic person. He used to be a secondary school art teacher and has always played a variety of musical instruments. The reason Steve and I get on so well is because we are both people persons and share the same values and sense of humour.

Neither of us will forget the time we went to a party at someone’s house. I was in the back garden when a woman, ten to fifteen years older than me, approached me and asked:

Lady: “What do you do?”

Me: “I’m a computer programmer and I work for Shh.”

Lady [looking perplexed]: “no…really, what is it that you do?”

Me: “I really am a computer programmer – and I do work for Shh.”

Lady [still unconvinced]: “no, honestly, what is it that you do?”

Me [becoming bored] “What can I say? I am a computer programmer…”

At which point Steve walks by.

Me: “Steve, help me out here. This lady doesn’t believe me that I’m a computer programmer and that I work for Shh.”

Steve [without hesitating]: “No, he works at the post office, licking stamps…”

Steve [pausing for a second] “…and on Sundays he works at the supermarket, stacking shelves. But he only stacks the middle shelves because he can’t reach the top or bottom shelves.”

Lady [smiling, as she pinched my cheek]: “Ahh, I knew it.” [then she walked away]

Obviously, I didn’t know Steve was going say what he said. It was absolutely hilarious!

On another occasion Steve and I were having a beer with our friend and neighbour Adrian.

The three of us decided to come up with what would be the most inappropriate job for me to do. After obvious suggestions, such as, waiter, surgeon and car mechanic, our favourite one was when Adrian suggested “Air traffic controller!”

You can get your copy of Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator HERE & NOW

The day my car started smoking

Here’s another extract from Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator

About the time of my twenty-seventh birthday in November 2000 there was still a problem with my car. By that time it was stalling once a day.

Ten days before I started at the fire brigade, prior to a fund raising commitment due to start in the afternoon in central Brighton and which was likely to extend into the evening, I arranged to meet my friend Stuart in the Churchill Square shopping centre for lunch. I had time to do this before meeting up with my Prince’s Trust chums.

On my way to meet Stuart, turning off Brighton seafront into the road which leads to the side of Churchill Square, my car stalled.  After restarting my car, I went a few hundred yards up the hill, past the shopping centre’s multi-storey car park, before my car stalled again. More accurately, the car conked out! The engine wouldn’t restart and smoke started to escape from under the bonnet and drift upwards, ominously.

The commotion quickly gathered a crowd of onlookers. Before I knew it, somebody had dialled 999 and called the Fire Brigade!

People were telling me to get out of my car fast! I didn’t think it was that bad and replied, “It’s alright, it’s only a bit of smoke.”

While I was on the phone, telling Stuart what had happened and where I was, I heard the siren of a fast approaching fire engine. Stuart arrived just as the firemen were putting out the dying embers of my smouldering car!

I thanked the firemen and said, “You might find this hard to believe but I start working with you guys the week after next!”

Stuart and I decided to have lunch in the adjacent pub, whilst we waited for a recovery truck to take my car to the Renault garage and I remember it being a very funny lunch!

I’m not a mechanic and might be wrong here. I think all that started to smoulder was the rubber seal around the engine. Having said that, I don’t even know if car engines have rubber around them! Obviously there was an underlying problem with my car. Had my car been able to travel a few more yards, I would have got it into a parking space.

After my car had been taken away, I had a good story to tell people while fund raising. That evening I went home on the bus with Claudia, who also lived in Shoreham.

The next day the Renault garage was extremely apologetic for not having spotted the problem with my car sooner. They fixed my car in double quick time, ready for me to start my job with the fire brigade.

 You can get your copy of Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator HERE & NOW

Thank you Adur East Lions Club…

…for gifting me the opportunity to have a flying lesson with Aerobility in Camberley.

Last weekend I attended the event at Blackbushe Airport with my friend Susan.

Unfortunately the low cloud weather conditions prevented light aircrafts from flying
(I plan to book a flying lesson in the summer).

I had great fun on the flight simulator

And I got the opportunity to sit in a plane and asked a pilot a load of questions!

It was also good to see Val there from Adur East Lions Club

It was a highly enjoyable day.

Thank you very much Susan for driving (and taking the photos). We had great conversations about inner peace and meditation 🙂

Last chance to get your name in my new book

I’m doing really well.

Thank you very much to everybody who has pre-ordered my new book Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator. Please check that your name is on the list here http://stairsforbreakfast.com/thank-you

If you would like me to include your name on the Thank You page of the book, please pre-order it by 5pm on Wednesday (18th April). I will then self-publish the book!

It’s a great book and I’m proud of it.

Here’s a new video, it’s one of the best videos I’ve ever made.

Thank you for your support
Patrick

Here’s the proof!

Here’s a funny video I made yesterday

As I say in the video, Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator is the second part of autobiography and covers the years 2001 to 2017. If we’ve met over the last few years you’re probably in the book!

I’m planning to publish the book on 15th April. I have already got about 50 pre-orders of the book but I need more pre-orders to have it printed.

On the THANK YOU page of the book I am going to print the names of the people who pre-order it.

Thank you very much if you’ve already ordered the book. You’re on the list!

You can pre-order Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator here and now

I love how funny my new book is and I’m very proud of everything I have achieved.

Thank you very much for your support. I look forward to publishing the best book I’ve ever written!

Battery recharger needed to have new book printed!

It’s been a few months since my last email/blog update. I had an amazing time in Spain and now am half an Ascension meditation teacher! More on that to come soon.

For the 2.5 months I’ve been working long hours; finishing my second book, converting it into book format, making videos and updating my website:

This video is on the front page of my website.

Thank you very much to the people who have already pre-ordered my 2nd book ‘Screw It, I’ll Take The Elevator’. I am planning to publish it on 15th April 2018, as I need more pre-orders to have the book printed. You can order my books here and now http://stairsforbreakfast.com/buy-now

People say Stairs For Breakfast is very funny however my second book is even funnier! It covers October 2000 to April 2017. If you’ve met me over the last few years you’re probably in the elevator!

Having worked so hard I am very proud of my books and everything I have achieved. Thank you for reading this and for helping to get my second book published.